Jaspers anguish
by VioletCullen01
Summary: Set in the beginning of New Moon. Bella felt hopeless the day Edward left...but how did Edward react? I know the family left before Edward...but lets just say they waited for him. Enjoy.


Disclaimer: All of these beautiful characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Enjoy!

Jaspers POV

I didn't know how long I had been running…but all I knew, all I needed to know, was that I was far away from home and away from civilization. Far away from the hundreds of emotions that plagued me everywhere I went. I had purposefully run deep into the forest…trying to lose myself in the all too familiar sea of green. I stopped in a clearing and found a dry spot in the mess of leaves that littered the ground. With my head buried in my hands I tried to clear my thoughts of anything that would remind me of what happened. I had no such luck. I wouldn't allow myself the relief of letting go.

Bella's party was probably the worst night I have ever experienced. Not only had I shown weakness, but also my lack of control had probably changed my family forever. I don't know how I let it happen. My only excuse is that I was caught off guard. We all were. Everyone knows that my will has improved. Granted, my self-control still isn't as practiced as the rest of my family…but I knew I had better restraint. Bella would never blame me…but he would. Edward would never forgive me for losing it the way I did. I wish he would understand how sorry I was. How sorry I am. But he just wouldn't listen. He blocked all of my thoughts out of his mind, telling me that all he needed was time. I've lived with Edward long enough to know that he always over thinks everything. He didn't need time. What he needed was to stop bottling up his emotions. Who knew that one person could feel so many things at once? Wave after wave of regret, anger, and hopelessness hit me every time Edward sulked into the room. That, mixed with Alice's premonitions made us positive that the more time Edward thought things through, the greater of a mistake he would make. A large wisp of chilling wind pulled me from my pensive mood. The wind carried with it the hundreds of smells that filled the forest, intensifying them as they whirled around my nose. I shook my head and held my breath. I didn't need any more distractions and the scents that prodded my nose didn't help my concentration. As I collected my thoughts once more I contemplated what Edwards next move would be. Sadly, I already new what was on his mind. Alice had told me this morning that she saw us leaving Forks. I laughed bitterly to myself as I remembered the conversation that had urged me into the forest in the first place.

"So that's his master plan? Run away? I realize that he's in pain but he cant really expect us to go along with that!" My voice rose higher and higher as I spoke. Anger consumed every part of me. What had I done?

Alice just sighed and took my hands in hers. I calmed down immediately but I was still tense.

"Jasper, he's our brother. We'll do what's right by this family. If Edward thinks its necessary then we cant question his judgment." She looked pained as she spoke those words and her emotions were extremely shaky. She was lying to me. Lying to herself.

"Alice! Please. You and I both know that this isn't right. We need to talk to him." I was begging now. Since when had I become the emotional one?

"Jazz, I – I've already spoken with him. He isn't changing his mind…I tried everything. He's deluded himself into thinking it's what's best for Bella. You know when Edward sets his mind to something that there is no stopping him." She ended with a sad, dull tone.

I just shook my head and dropped her hands. She didn't try to stop me as I walked, quickly and swiftly out the door and into the lushness of the forest. Which brings me to where I am now. Completely and utterly confused. I took a deep breath and stood up. I knew that I needed to go home. Edward was suddenly my main priority and I took off without a second thought.

When I saw the roof of the house over the tops of the trees I slowed my pace. Just as I stepped out of the forest I was hit so hard with a fountain of anguish that it brought me down to my knees. As I tried to steady myself I looked up to see Edward sitting in the Volvo with his head resting against the steering wheel. It struck me as odd when I realized that his breathing was extremely ragged. I sent a gentle wave of calm in his direction and watched as he slowly lifted his head. Edward got out of the car equally slowly but surprised me when he slammed the door. A subtle crack emitted from the car and I noticed the driver side window had cracked. Edward didn't take notice but instead was staring at me.

I started to send another wave of calm towards him but he stopped me.

"Don't, Jasper."

"I'm sorry. I just – I" he cut me off.

"I said, DON'T. I'm perfectly fine." His voice was becoming increasingly forlorn.

"Edward I think we should talk-" I was cut off again

"Listen. I'm fine…I just…I need time." There he goes again. Time. I could've hit him.

"I'm just gonna go run a bit." He continued, "You know, clear my head. Tell the others I'll be back soon. Be ready in an hour."

"Edward, I-"

I tried to get it out before he could interrupt me again but he was gone. I had no choice but to run after him. His emotions were running haywire. I couldn't let him be alone. He shouldn't be alone. I soon caught up to him but he wouldn't have it. He ran faster and faster but I'll be damned (no pun intended) if I was going to let him run away from this. I started to yell his name as we ran. But my words were just carried away by the wind. I needed him to open his mind. I knew that he was blocking me out but I needed to try. I started wailing his name inside my head. Trying to get him to stop just for a second. All I need was a second. "Edward, PLEASE! You're being unreasonable!" I shouted.

He stopped so abruptly that I almost ran into him.

"What do you want?" He spat.

"We need to talk about this. You've been shutting me out. Please?" I was sounding more and more pathetic with each word.

"Fine! Jasper, I forgive you! You can stop feeling guilty now and _go home_!"

"That isn't what I was talking about, Ed. I'm talking about the fact that _you_ are making the worst decision of your entire life! Forks is your home, Edward! Bella is here! You just can't leave!"

Edward glared when I mentioned Bellas name, but he didn't speak right away.

"Jasper, you don't understand. Bella is exactly the reason why we must leave."

I sighed deeply. He didn't say it but I knew what he was thinking…this was because of the party.

"No, no it isn't. And I would appreciate it if you would stop blaming yourself." He said angrily as he read my thoughts. "Jasper, what happened at the party is only example number 1 million as to why it isn't in her best interest if we stay." His voice was becoming more desperate with each word. " I couldn't bear if anything happened to her. And if anything does happen…then it would be nobodies fault but my own. I brought her into our lives…now I'm taking us out of hers."

I'd noticed that the entire time he was talking his voice was becoming increasingly shaky and he hadn't mentioned Bellas name once. The pain he was feeling just rolled off of him and hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Edward?" I pleaded

I stepped forward until I was face to face with him. Well, more like face-to-top of his head. "Edward, look at me."

I'm manly enough to admit that if vampires could cry, I would have broken down the second our eyes made contact. I'd never seen that look in any ones eyes in my entire existence. I couldn't help myself as I embraced my brother.

"You love her." I stated. He said nothing but then Edward started to shake again. Heavy convulsions shook his entire body as a loud cry left his lips. I wasn't sure if the anguish I was feeling was his or my own. A mixture of both, I suppose. So we just stood there as the pain of loss and regret flooded through us. "We'll leave Forks." I finally stuttered. He nodded into my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Edward." I shook with him. I don't know how long I held my brother but I finally had to calm us down. I gave him one last squeeze as I parted from him. "Are you ready?" I asked him hesitantly.

He shook his head while he examined his feet.

"No, I, uh – I'll be there in a minute." He looked up and stared at me. His eyes were still sad but not full of distress. I smiled weakly and headed back for the house. I stopped when I heard his voice carry in the wind. "Thanks."

I smiled and replied, "Anytime, Edward."

**This is my first story. I really hope you enjoyed it. Reviews would be appreciated. **

**Much love,**

**VioletCullen**


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